How much of a Crunchy Mama Are You?

10:12 AM

I laughed at this visual respresentation of how 'crunchy' (read: hippie-esque) a mom can be.

I had trouble actually figuring out which number I should place myself at because I had a handful of yes's and no's for each.

Level 1:
Plans to breastfeed, owns a BabyBjorn and one stainless steel or glass food receptacle.
-- Determined to breastfeed, owns 3 moby wraps, a structured carrier & a traditional Guatemalan ring sling, and most of my food receptacles are glass.

Level 2:
Likes DIY and handmade shit, shops at thrift stores and garage sales, carries Kleen Kanteen or SIGG bottles, has made kale chips and purchased almond butter. May drive a minivan or an SUV and simultaneously loves it and feels guilty.
-- Yes to all. No minivan. (And I don't really "like" to shop.)

Level 3:
Buys organic foods for baby, makes own baby food, attempts to avoid flashing or noisemaking toys, limits screen time, enjoys natural bath and beauty products, wears mineral makeup, owns either a ring sling, an Ergo or a Beco carrier.Likely consumes coconut oil.
-- Yes, but my ability to limit screen time is weak.

Level 4:
Cloth diapers, does not own plastic food containers unless they are BPA/pthlalate free, births naturally, feels strongly about breastfeeding, owns an Arm’s Reach co-sleeper or uses a bassinet to have baby in room.
Has baked with zucchini and made quinoa.
-- Part-time cloth, I own some horrendous tupperware, yes, yes, I don't own a co-sleeper I just put baby in the bed, zucchini and quinoa but of course!

Level 5:
Only buys wooden or natural toys, kids don’t watch TV, no characters or text on kid’s clothing, practices non-violent communication and non-punitive punishment, likes mason jars and has too many of them, covets ethically manufactured clothing, drives a fuel efficient car on purpose, likes Method, Seventh Generation and Mrs. Meyers brand cleaning products. Has read everything by Dr. Sears.
-- I mostly only buy Melissa & Doug toys for friends' kids, I don't really buy Oliver toys - he has enough. He watches TV. He owns Mickey Mouse clothes. We are non-violent. I LIVE FOR mason jars. I don't like clothes or cars enough to care which I have. I love 7th Gen and Dr. Sears. (Using their dish soap, and his Parenting book right now.)

Level 6:
Obsession with something like baby carriers or cloth diapers, co-sleeps, extended breastfeeds, uses mama cloth, owns a juicer and drinks green juice, has an herb garden, drives a hybrid car or wishes she did. Likely owns at least one article of clothing made from bamboo or hemp.
-- Sure, yes, yes, no (Diva Cup?), I do hand-blender/cheese cloth juicing is that worse, garden yes, wish I didn't drive any car, some bamboo and hemp clothes yes.

Level 7:
Sleeps in a family bed, either homeschools or uses a co-op, Waldorf or other assorted hippie schooling choices, homebirths with midwives, baby led weaning, tandem nurses if applicable, makes jam, has a large vegetable garden, buys used and repurposes whenever possible, uses cloth table napkins and cloth “paper towels”, cleans with vinegar and baking soda, is anti-TV and will mention this at every chance, child wears an amber teething necklace. Has either owned or rented a birthing tub.
-- Yes, no school-aged kids, midwife yes, BLW yes, tandem if I have to, jam yep, veggie garden for sure, used/repurposed or just don't buy something at all, yes to cloth and vinegar/baking soda (sorry Cal), I am not anti-TV (wish I was) and Oliver does have an amber teething necklace. I don't know anyone who owns a birthing tub, they must be planning for a ton of kids to not rent.

Level 8:
Placenta eaters and other food weirdness comes into play here, this has a polarizing effect with vegans on one and and paleo/primal on the other, or perhaps is gluten free, local only or organic only. Can recognize a woven wrap colorway from 40 yards away, uses family cloth instead of toilet paper, keeps regular acupuncture visits, stashes arnica and other homeopathic remedies in bag, uses elderberry syrup during cold and flu season, non-vac and non-circ status is displayed proudly on twitter or bio, drives an electric or bio-fuel car or has no car, avoids fluoride. Likely has tried the “no-poo” method of hair care.
-- Would eat my placenta if I wasn't too cheap/lazy to process it, somewhat paleo in my beliefs, never family cloth never, arnica and homeopathics and totally in a bag, elderberry syrup yup, non-vac/non-circ/non-fluoride, and have tried no-poo. Wow.

Level 9:
Grows all their own food, canning expert, homesteads, raises organic sheep, spins the wool from organic sheep, knits clothes from the wool that was spun from organic sheep, unschools, has chickens, wants to live off the grid, keeps bees, has solar panels, possibly uses elimination communication, builds own house or other barn/shed structures, has unassisted births.Can sew an entire quilt in one night by the light of handmade beeswax candles while sipping tea made from homegrown chamomile in a mug that was hand formed from clay mined from her backyard. While nursing.
-- Can't say "all", I live in Canada. Canning yes, homestead if I was rich, sheep wouldn't that be nice, knit yes, unschool no, chickens PLEASE, off the grid pretty please, I want bees and solar panels, nope on the EC, If Calvin builds me a house I will have an unassisted birth in it sure, I've never had an interest in making a quilt but would definitely do it by candlelight (that's not true, I do have a few patches of Oliver's old clothes that I'm saving for a rainy day), I sip homegrown cham tea like the rest of em but have not mined clay for a mug. Nursing, yes.

Level 10:
Actually, a diamond does most or all or some assortment of the above levels but they don’t give a crap about what anyone thinks. They aren’t keeping track and they’ve outgrown the labels. They certainly don’t preach to others or judge people about their choices. They’re just doing their own thing. Doing what works for them. Diamonds? Diamonds are rare.
-- Sounds nice.


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